One of the internal battles I’ve had lately is whether I should go full force into my plans for the future, or let go of those plans, and focus on living mindfully in the moment instead.
I love how it feels to be incredibly present and aware of my surroundings, just listening to my heart tell me how it feels about everything with no idea of what it will want to do next.
But I also love how it feels to plan and strategize. To take control of my environment and masterfully play the game, all while building my self belief and conquering my own demons.
This has caused me to pause and consider which one is better.
I would compare it to the conflict of Alive Vs. Free. Are they separate elements? Do they need one another to be fully realized? Is one better than the other?
What to do?
Last night while meditating, I reached a turning point. I found myself excitedly running through my master plan, thinking all about the future and what it would hold, when I suddenly stopped and asked my heart, “How do you feel about this right NOW.”
And oh did it come alive! It’s apparently very excited about the journey we’re on.
Right. This. Second.
It loves the challenges we’re conquering, the self belief we’re building, and the thrill of the risks we’re taking. It loves what’s happening right now, AND is excited about the future. This reminded me of the conclusion:
Even though I’ve understood this concept logically, I’ve had a hard time internalizing it.
They look different to me in my mind, so they have felt like two different paths in the forest, but are they?
Can they be layered on top of each other and exist at the same time?
I was recently reading a blog post about the phenomenon that we envision our dreams as existing without conflict. That when we “arrive” we expect all our problems to have gone away, and since this isn’t true, we never feel as though we’ve arrived.
But what if we changed our end goal from arriving to becoming? Can we become more and more of who we really are for the rest of our lives?
In order to accomplish that, we need both a direction AND an awareness.
DIRECTION is important because action solidifies identity in a way nothing else can, and it opens up opportunities for further action, so we can further our identify.
AWARENESS is important because how we feel about any given situation, is who we are. It’s our truth. And being deeply aware of that, brings us intimately in touch with our hearts, making us feel alive.
So where does that leave us?
I think the fear of making plans and striving for a goal came from my old habit of blindly following the “story I’d been told.”
But now that I’m in touch with my heart, I don’t need to have that fear. I’m not doing things because I’m supposed to. In fact, I’m living intentionally based solely on the discoveries of my heart, meditating, doing an evaluation, making a plan based on that evaluation, and turning everything else away. And I’m willing to change that direction whenever my heart yells out, “Hey, go that way!”
I needed to recognize that my heart is officially holding the reigns in my life, so I can let go of my grip, and live mindfully in the moment with the peace that all my plans are taking me where I WANT to be, not where I’m SUPPOSED to be.
The system I developed is working… long term. And because it’s become my new culture, I became afraid of it, because culture was the cage I lived in for so long. But when your culture is to be free and alive, you no longer have to walk in fear, because it’s serving you instead of caging you, and that makes all the difference in the world.