Thank You DaddyAfter launching my e-course last week, I’ve been getting such wonderful reviews, and I have been extremely touched by it. But there was one review that meant more to me than I could have ever imagined it would. 

For those of you who don’t know, 5 years ago I divorced my family in an effort to individuate from their thinking. I had to do this not because of who they were, but because I knew that who I was, couldn’t bloom in their presence. When I was around them, all I could see was the projection I had developed from childhood, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get past it. So I separated myself. 

It was one of the best things I ever did. And it changed the relationship dynamic between us. I no longer viewed my parents as all knowing authorities, and successfully removed their power in my life, because I stopped needing their approval.

I dealt with my childhood wounds and made a conscious decision to move forward in a healthy way. So when I received the following review from my father in my email box, I was pretty shocked at how I responded. 

“I have to say your work is the best I have read regarding knowing oneself. BRAVO! GREAT JOB! You have wonderful insight and a beautiful way of articulating it all. I am proud of the work you have done. I believe you will go far and find a great response from others. With all the stuff out there on self help and becoming successful I think your point on ‘becoming your true self’ hits the nail on the head.  -Love You, Dad”

Without thinking, I hit reply, and all that would come out of this strong and independent woman was, “Thank you Daddy.”  

And as soon as I typed it, a sob from the deepest parts of my soul welled up to the surface, and I wept. 

Finally, I had won daddy’s approval. 

There are layers, my friends. Layers and layers of ourselves that hide deep within. And just when we think we’ve found the center, we realize we’re only beginning. 

We don’t know what we don’t know about ourselves, and when and where those things decide to surface is a mystery. But all we can do is remain open. To forge a path and walk in a direction that seems right to us. And then and only then, will new pieces of our souls come out to play. 

I may not be as detached as I thought, and it bothers me. But part of me is okay with my heart wanting their love and having their approval affect me. Why? Because I just want to know myself. To know who I am and how I really feel. No pride. No ideals. Just me. Because there’s nothing in the world that can compare to the joy of knowing oneself. And being willing to recognize my chains is the very thing that sets me free.

So walk forward my friends. Be who you are. Because there are treasures to be found in you.

-Tara

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4 thoughts on “Daddy”

  1. Dear Tara, You are obviously a very sensitive and widely accomplished individual. I loved your post. It moved me. You see, I know your father and I have a beautifully insightful daughter of my own. As independent as she wants everyone to believe she is, (moved out at 18 and lives on her own in Westwood) last summer she lost the sight in her right eye. She suddenly needed her parents more than ever. I nursed my daughter for 6 months last year until January when she was finally able to lift herself up and move back into her life. As tragic as it was to overcome, we are closer than we have ever been.

    We healed past wounds, held each other, cried many tears together, shared our hopes and fears. When she suddenly left home 5 years ago we never had an opportunity to deeply bond with each other. It was as if the record of life skipped that track.
    Reading your post made me recount my own relationship with my daughter. The answer is that no matter how independent we may consider ourselves there is a child in all of us. A child looking for approvals to build our self esteem, gauge our value and know that we are worthy of love.

    You are loved. Your father’s eyes light up when he speaks of you. My daughter and I have a renewed sense of respect for each other too. Life is an amazing thing. I’m proud to be an independent woman and mother of an amazing daughter who is an Honors English student at UCLA.

    Cheers!! You are destined for greatness. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.

    1. Hi Diane, thank you for stopping by the site and sharing this. It’s amazing what we carry around in us and what we really need at a basic level when all else is stripped away. Loved hearing about you and your daughter, and that my father lights up when he talks about me.

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