Have Your Dogs + Cats... From the book: The time I accidentally picked up a hooker in Vegas and other crazy true stories

If any of you have liked my Facebook page, then you are fully aware that Dan has written a book. Yep! It’s been author mayhem in my house the last couple of months. Although his book is completely different than mine, because instead of being a personal development guide to coming alive, his is a collection of crazy true stories (of which he has many) from the last 15 years.

Everyone who’s read it has reported that it’s so funny, they are laughing out loud constantly, sharing it with friends, and being asked what they’re reading while others watch them double over. So, I thought I’d share one of his stories here with you, so you can enjoy a bit as well. So without further ado, I present:

Have Your Dogs and Cats…

 
One of my best accounts had a daughter named Sue, who ran a small satellite branch not too far from the main headquarters. She was a peace loving person, deeply involved in the New Age Movement, running her business a little differently than others, and because of it she attracted a different type of customer. Sue was very serious about her beliefs, even having me move my product display several times because the Feng Shui was off.

Sue invited my co-worker, Richard, and I to have a product booth at her weekend event called “Causes and Cares,” and not wanting to lose out on an opportunity for more business, I jumped at the chance. The problem was, I had no idea what the hell a “Causes and Cares” event was. So I just showed up at the time I was supposed to be there.

“Dan, where’s your table display and what’s your cause?”

“I’m sorry, cause?”

“Yes. You’re supposed to campaign for your company’s cause.”

Oh crap. I didn’t have a cause. I’m generally not the type of guy to beat a drum for any one thing. And as far as my company? I was pretty sure their cause was money!

Richard was nowhere to be found and I now had to create something out of the blue, make signs for it, and campaign. Lucky for me, my mom watched a lot of Price is Right when I was a kid. Bob Barker was the only person I knew that would promote his cause every show without fail. So I got to work creating signs, a large banner, and custom stickers that I think were originally meant for name tags.

I got everything set up just in time for the start of the event. Phew! I’d really pulled it together! Actually, I was feeling pretty proud of myself with how fast I’d thought on my feet.

But as people started walking by, I was confused by the negative response I was getting. I didn’t think the issue was so controversial. I wondered if Bob got a bunch of flack for it.

One woman came by and asked me what my hatred for Dogs and Cats was all about.

Surprised, I responded, “No, I don’t hate dogs and cats. I love them! I’m just trying to support population control.” She had a shocked look on her face and walked away disgusted. Weirdo.

Richard finally showed up and after walking around all the other booths at the event, he stopped dead in front of ours.

“DAN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING HERE?!!”

“Come on Richard! You’ve never heard Bob Barker on The Price is Right?”

“Yeah! He says to have them spayed and neutered, not go home and fucking kill them!”

“What? That’s what I……” All of a sudden it dawned on me. My signs, banners and custom stickers (that I’d snuck on people’s bags) all said, “Have your cats and dogs euthanized!” sponsored by none other than the very large company I represented! No wonder people were appalled!

Luckily, after Richard made a very large and public announcement that I was a complete moron and had mixed up “spayed and neutered” with “euthanized”, people could at least find some humor in it. Even if I was teased as the dog killer for years by that account.

This is the hilarious result of not being prepared... Click To Tweet

For more of these stories (this actually being a mild one) Dan’s book can be purchased on Amazon in e-book and (as of next week) print format.  

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *