There is no way to tell what emotions you will experience when making a plan. I’ve mentioned this before, studied it, and even written about it in my book, and yet I am still surprised when I experience things differently than I imagined them. Go figure.
I like big goals. If it’s not the biggest mountain my mind can imagine, I’m not interested. It’s something I love about who I am, and something that’s brought a lot of adventure and excitement into my world. But it’s also something that’s brought uncomfortable, painful, and emotionally exhausting situations to me as well.
I try to look at it scientifically to ease my shame. Something like, “Getting frost bite from that medium sized mountain taught me to wear better socks, plan for harsher weather, and train a little longer so I could take on Everest.” But sometimes I just feel shame. Or fear. Or that even if I plan and train down to the last detail, frostbite is inevitable because it happened before.
Right now I’m experiencing such a cornucopia of emotion I’m almost speechless about it. It’s like I can’t separate them enough to define any one of them individually, so when I open my mouth to speak, I just shut it right up again.You didn’t know I was an artist did you?
I’m also having a new emotion I’ve never had before that I am sure has no name but many people must have felt. I feel like I could compare it to Coehlo’s stepping over the threshold fear, but I can’t explain why.
What I’m creating with YouCoached is working. And people are genuinely excited about it. I knew the logic was sound, the business model was good, and the studies lined up, because those are the kinds of things you can theorize about, and I even knew what I wanted to get from it overall in an emotional sense. But all the in-between emotions were not accounted for.
But I’m really enjoying those in-between and unaccounted for things, because that’s really what makes life interesting isn’t it? The surprise we get in this playground of life is that there are so many new and uncharted areas of our “self”. And yet, I watch myself in awe as I see all the nuances and tendencies that make up who I am come to life and I wonder at having never known they were there before. After all, I spent 10 years on a self discovery journey. I thought I was pretty self aware.
But in the end it’s always about experiencing that new emotion anyway, and in this case there’s something surreal about this leg of the journey that hasn’t quite sunk in yet. If feels as if the world around me is holding it’s breath, just waiting to see what happens.