~ Lauren Bacall
I’ve been thinking about my blog a lot lately.
I’m not referring to the aesthetics, but to the whole idea of blogging. Meaning the style in which I’ve been doing it and where I want to go from here.
I have loved sharing all the articles about coming alive, but the truth is, I’ve pretty much said what I wanted to say about it.
When I wrote my book, I did it with the idea that I was going to just get everything I wanted to say on the subject out there so that I would have something to hand people should I want them to know about it. That I did (my paperback proof is in the mail as we speak), and so I no longer feel like I have much to say on the subject.
The truth is, I don’t see myself as a life coach or teacher, as much as a multifaceted alive person. In fact, anyone who’s known me for any length of time is aware that I have about a 3 month attention span at best. I love new ideas and change, and it is something I cannot seem to “cure” myself of, no matter how much my brain fights my heart on it.
My heart has luckily become more powerful and in demand than my brain, so the battles don’t last as long, but there are days when they are at such completely different ends, that I am paralyzed. This happens when my heart wants to move in a new direction, and my brain refuses to give.
This past week, the argument between them has been about my next move, and what that means for my blog. If I’m honest, what I really want to do in life is to let go of any overarching idea outside of following my heart completely in the moment, but it’s a scary thought.
I’m completely manic. If I get an idea, I run full out until it’s completed, then drop it suddenly, because it’s lost all interest to me. I love this about myself, but statistically, it isn’t the path to success, or even general acceptance from others.
This would be fine, except that I have the culture of achieve hanging over me, taunting me daily with my failure to accumulate accomplishments because I’ve lacked consistency.
I also have a deep wound of being ignored, which stems from childhood, and I fear that no matter how amazing I am, I will never be recognized for it.
I don’t want to live for the acceptance of others. I want to live from the inside out, and I want to be brave enough to do it. What would happen if I let go of my grip on acceptance? My fear runs deep in this area.
So when it comes to blogging, I ask myself the question, “Why are you doing this?”
For a business? To gain acceptance? To express myself? To promote myself?
This has been the internal conversation as of late. There is a part of my heart that wants to let it all go. To release social media in general from my life, as it seems to have become a false measurement and pressure defining my worth. It feels like all I do is seen as “content” on some level, with me wondering how to best present it to my “audience”. I don’t like that idea.
And yet, I’ve also connected with so many people I would not have (hello Australia) if it weren’t for social media. My father even mentions how he feels more connected to me, as he reads my blog daily. And I LOVE reading other people’s blogs, because it connects me to them in some way. So I can see the value in it as well.
There are many things I love about my blog. I love my new web comic (Heart + Brain), and when reading my Coming Alive articles, I see a lot of value in them as well. But I want to remove the boundaries of focused subject matter (which is contrary to all advice given about building a blog audience) and instead just share stuff with my friends. (That’s all of you.)
I want to let go of worrying about increasing my followers and achieving, and instead let blogging be the thing I love, because it’s a place to connect with people and say, “Hey! Check this out!” or “What do you think?”
In a day and age where we’re all polished and perfected for the camera (which does appeal to me in some areas) I wonder if I can be brave enough to be raw. To put the little things about myself out there that make up who I am. To change without apology, and be random, manic, wide eyed, unapologetic, and real with you. That’s what I want. To just be a person, not a brand.I think your whole life shows in your face, and you should be proud of that. - Lauren Bacall Click To Tweet
If I can do that, my blog may just make the cut. Otherwise, I’ll have to rethink some things.